Holy Tension: Collaborating When You Disagree on the ‘How’ but Not the ‘Why’
A Guide for When Shared Purpose Meets Strategic Difference
You’ve prayed together.
You believe in the mission.
You’re committed to the same values.
But then the conversation turns toward strategy—and suddenly, the room shifts.
One person wants to move fast, another wants to wait.
One suggests a creative risk, another prefers structure and tradition.
And now you're stuck.
Not because you disagree on why you're doing it...
But because you can't agree on how to do it.
Welcome to the space I call holy tension.
It’s the stretch between unity of purpose and difference of process—a place where collaboration gets real, refining, and deeply spiritual.
The Gift of Holy Tension
Tension isn’t always a sign that something’s broken.
Sometimes it means you’re engaged, invested, and deeply care about the outcome.
In fact, tension—when stewarded well—can be a sacred space where God refines us, sharpens us, and teaches us to lead like Christ.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” —Proverbs 27:17
The challenge? Keeping the fire from burning trust.
Let’s talk about how to navigate disagreements in strategy without losing unity in spirit.
A Real-Life Example: Paul and Barnabas
Paul and Barnabas were co-laborers, kingdom partners, brothers in Christ.
They shared the same calling: to preach the gospel to the Gentiles.
But Acts 15 tells us they had a sharp disagreement about whether to take John Mark with them on their next journey.
Barnabas said yes. Paul said no.
They parted ways.
Was it messy? Yes.
But was it wrong? Not necessarily.
Both continued in ministry. And eventually, Paul even commended John Mark again (2 Timothy 4:11).
Unity in mission doesn’t always require uniformity in method.
A Model for Values-Based Decision-Making
When you’re aligned on the “why” but conflicted on the “how,” here’s a framework to move forward with wisdom:
1. Start with Shared Values
Before debating logistics, reconnect on what matters most.
Ask:
What do we both believe about the outcome?
What principles must be protected, no matter how we proceed?
What are we unwilling to compromise?
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” —Ephesians 4:3
2. Identify the Core Tension
Get specific. This isn’t “we can’t work together”—this is “we have different approaches to risk/timing/communication/etc.”
Ask:
Is this a difference in urgency? Creativity? Risk tolerance?
Are we operating from different definitions of success?
Is this theological, personal, or strategic?
This helps depersonalize the disagreement—and opens the door to healthy collaboration.
3. Invite the Holy Spirit (and Each Other) into Discernment
Don’t rush to vote. Pray together. Pause. Reflect.
God may be speaking through the tension, not just one side of it.
Ask:
What is God highlighting in this disagreement?
What would it look like to honor both perspectives?
Is there a third option we haven’t seen yet?
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” —Proverbs 15:22
4. Decide with Humility, Implement with Honor
Once a decision is made—whether you’re leading, following, or stepping aside—move forward with unity, not bitterness.
Practice:
Clarify ownership of the decision.
Publicly support the direction even if it wasn’t your preference.
Debrief later to learn from the process.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition... but in humility value others above yourselves.” —Philippians 2:3
A Collaborative Covenant for Disagreement
Here’s a short commitment you can use with your team:
“We will honor each other’s voices, hold space for difference, and fight for unity without demanding uniformity. We will seek wisdom, not winning. And we will move forward in love, even when our strategies differ.”
A Prayer for Teams in Tension
Lord,
Thank You for the beauty of shared vision and the gift of diverse minds.
Help me lead with conviction and listen with humility.
Teach us to collaborate through disagreement without division.
When tension arises, let it refine us, not separate us.
Make us a team that models kingdom unity in the midst of human difference.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
Reflection Questions
Where in my leadership or team am I feeling tension around the “how”?
Have I paused to seek shared values—or just pushed for my way?
What might God be teaching me through someone else’s different approach?
How can I honor someone’s voice today, even if I don’t agree with their method?
Final Word
Disagreement doesn’t disqualify collaboration.
It can deepen it—when handled with spiritual maturity.
So next time you feel the tension rise in a meeting or conversation, don’t panic. Lean in. Pause. Listen.
You may find that the holy ground of collaboration is found not in perfect agreement—but in gracious discernment.