Why I Stopped Choosing Sides—And Started Asking Better Questions
For years, I thought I had to pick a side: complementarian or egalitarian. The evangelical world made it seem like there were only two options—two boxes to check, two camps to join. But the more I studied Scripture, lived my calling, and walked alongside faithful women and men, the more I realized: this binary was never enough.
Complementarians emphasize order, authority, and distinct gender roles, often drawing from passages like:
1 Timothy 2:12 (TLV): "But I do not allow a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet."
1 Corinthians 11:3 (TLV): "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Messiah, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Messiah is God."
Egalitarians stress mutuality, gifting, and Spirit-led inclusion, citing texts like:
Galatians 3:28 (TLV): "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female—for you are all one in Messiah Yeshua."
Both camps claim Scripture as their foundation, yet they reach divergent conclusions.
But what if the real issue is not which side to choose—but whether our questions are big enough?
What if we asked:
Who is God forming us to become together?
How does the gospel disrupt power, not just distribute it?
What if being made in the image of God doesn’t result in sameness or separation—but in partnership?
And here’s another question I began to ask:
Why do we focus so much on husband and wife language when Scripture also speaks of brothers and sisters?
When Paul writes, he often addresses believers as brothers and sisters, reminding us of our shared identity in the household of God:
Romans 12:10 (TLV): "Be tenderly devoted to one another in brotherly love; outdo one another in giving honor."
1 Thessalonians 4:9 (TLV): "Now concerning brotherly love, you have no need for anyone to write you—for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another."
In the Father’s house, we are not first husbands and wives—we are sons and daughters. And from the Father’s perspective, are there really distinct callings for sons and daughters—or are we all called to reflect His image, embody His love, and steward His mission?
I stopped choosing sides not because theology doesn’t matter, but because the Kingdom invites a bigger, deeper, and more integrated vision—one that transcends the debate and roots us in love, mutuality, and obedience to God’s call.