How Do You React to Conflict? Understanding Fight, Flight, and Finding a Better Way
Conflict is inevitable. Whether it’s a disagreement at home, tension at work, or internal unrest, our reaction to conflict says a lot about us. But have you ever paused to ask, how do I usually respond to conflict?
Fight, Flight, or Freeze?
Here are the three most common reactions:
FIGHT: Do you instinctively argue, defend your point, or push back hard?
FLIGHT: Do you back down, avoid the issue, or emotionally check out?
FREEZE: Do you find yourself paralyzed, unsure of what to say or how to respond?
Each of these is a natural response—but not necessarily a healthy or effective one. Our goal isn't to eliminate these instincts, but to understand and manage them.
The Three Types of Anger
Controlled Anger – Expressed thoughtfully, with restraint.
Expressive Anger – Verbal, often reactive; it spills out quickly.
Irrational Anger – Explosive and disconnected from the actual issue.
Anger, in itself, is not bad. But how we channel it determines the outcome of our conflicts.
Conflict Styles: Which One Is Yours?
When conflict arises, we usually default to one of these five styles:
Your Way (Accommodation) – You give in to avoid tension.
No Way (Avoidance) – You sidestep or ignore the conflict.
My Way (Competition) – You push for your solution at any cost.
Our Way (Collaboration) – You work together to find a better, shared solution.
Halfway (Compromise) – You meet in the middle, each party gives up something.
Why “Our Way” Is Best
Collaboration is the most effective form of conflict resolution. It doesn’t force anyone to give up ground—it inspires new ground to be found together. When we seek understanding, creativity, and shared purpose, we often discover a better solution than we imagined.
While compromise (halfway) is better than conflict escalation, it can leave both parties partially unsatisfied. But when you aim for our way, everyone wins without anyone losing.
Final Thoughts
The next time you face conflict, ask:
Am I reacting or responding?
Am I seeking to win—or seeking to understand?
Can we find our way forward together?
Choosing connection over control and collaboration over competition can transform your relationships.