The Four Stages of Loving God: Lessons from Bernard of Clairvaux
What does it truly mean to love God? In his beautiful and brief classic On the Love of God (De Diligendo Deo), St. Bernard of Clairvaux—12th-century mystic and monk—offers a profound, yet simple roadmap of the soul’s maturing love. His four stages of love help us recognize not only where we begin, but where we’re meant to go.
1. Love of Self for the Sake of Self
This is where every human being starts. We love ourselves naturally—we seek comfort, protection, pleasure, and meaning. But in this state, even our love for others can be transactional or self-preserving. Bernard reminds us that it's here we discover our limits, and begin to understand that self-love alone cannot fulfill us. It awakens our need for something greater—God.
2. Love of God for the Sake of Self
We then come to God because we need Him. We pray, go to church, and read Scripture seeking His blessings, His peace, and His provision. While this love is sincere, it is still centered on what we receive. This is the stage many Christians remain in: loving God primarily because He helps us. Bernard does not dismiss this, but he urges us not to stop here.
3. Love of God for the Sake of God
Here, something deeper stirs. We begin to see and love God not just for what He does—but for who He is. His beauty, majesty, mercy, and holiness captivate us. Our love becomes less about reward and more about reverence. As the Psalmist writes, “One thing I ask... to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord” (Psalm 27:4). This is the turning point—adoration for God's sake alone.
4. Love of Self for the Sake of God
This final stage is the rarest, and one Bernard says cannot be fully reached in this life. In it, we love ourselves only insofar as God loves us. Our ego is no longer central—Christ is. Our identity is no longer based on performance, but on being fully restored in the image of God. We love what God loves, including ourselves, only because He does. This is the perfection of love: to be a vessel of God’s love, reflecting it to others without self-interest.
A Vision for Today
Bernard's four stages are not just a theological concept—they are a mirror for the soul. They ask us to reflect honestly:
Why do I love God?
Am I growing in my love, or have I stopped at comfort?
What would it look like to love God for who He is—not just for what He gives?
As we allow the Holy Spirit to shape our hearts, we move slowly but surely toward the kind of love that reflects Christ—who loved the Father and the world with a pure, unshakable devotion.
Final Thought:
The path to loving God fully begins where we are—but it never ends there. Bernard reminds us that love matures. May we all, by grace, journey through these stages until we love as Christ loves.