Open Hands or Closed Fists? Releasing Control to God
One of the best and most revealing questions I’ve ever been asked is this:
“Do you live with an open hand—or a clenched fist?”
It’s a simple image, but it speaks deeply into how we live our lives and hold our relationships. Think about it. How often—on any given day—do you hold onto something or someone tightly, out of fear, love, or control?
Control in Everyday Relationships
We often close our hands around the things we love most:
Parents hold their children—especially adult children—tightly, fearing what will happen if they let go.
Children cling to their parents, unable to release them into independence.
Employers grip their best employees, worried about losing the talent they’ve invested in.
Employees hold tightly to their roles, afraid of losing their jobs.
Friends sometimes fear sharing their best friends with others—thinking more friends means less time for them.
It’s subtle, but this clenched-fist way of living creates fear-driven relationships rather than freedom-filled ones. We grasp not because we hate, but because we love and fear at the same time.
Living Between Passivity and Overprotection
The invitation isn’t to become passive or disconnected. And it’s not to control or overprotect. It’s to live in the space between—where we wait, trust, and love with wisdom. It’s choosing to offer our best advice, our presence, our prayers—without gripping someone’s future in our hands.
Because, ultimately, it’s not ours to hold.
Prayer with an Open Hand
I've learned to ask myself in moments of tension, pressure, or prayer:
“Am I holding my hand tightly right now?”
Too often, I realize I’ve been trying to control a situation, a person, or even God’s answer to a prayer. I grip so tightly, desperate for a solution, that I forget the posture of surrender.
And yet, the best answers—the most freeing answers—have come not when I’ve clenched tighter, but when I’ve opened my hand to the Lord.
Letting Go Isn't Losing Control—It's Finding Peace
If someone is holding your life in their fist, remember: it usually comes from a place of love and fear. But fear was never meant to lead us. Scripture reminds us:
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”
—1 John 4:18
Pray that both your own grip—and theirs—can be opened. That fear will be surrendered to God. That peace will replace control. And that love will lead the way.